These Advice given by A Father That Rescued Me during my time as a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was just just surviving for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of fatherhood.

However the actual experience rapidly became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Severe health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple words "You are not in a good place. You require support. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a larger inability to communicate among men, who continue to hold onto negative notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a sign of failure to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to take a pause - going on a short trip overseas, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible choices" when in his youth to modify how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a family member, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - taking care of you is the best way you can support your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the safety and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their struggles, altered how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I think my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are through this experience."